Kindergarten

I sit in my living room a week after school has started. I still have a hard time comprehending that Brenna is already in Kindergarten. How could she possibly be old enough to be in school? Didn't Nathan and I just bring her home from the hospital? Wasn't it just yesterday that I drove my little red civic with her in it for the first time and was almost paralyzed with fear? What happened to all the diapers and midnight feedings? What about sitting on that little potty in front of the TV and praising the little trickle that we heard after 45 min and several glasses of juice? It was bound to come at some point.

Nathan and I took her to her classroom on Monday. She was so brave. She found her name and sat right down at her spot. I know she was a little nervous, but she was also so excited to be at school. She was excited to meet new people and learn new things. Mostly she just wanted to go on the playground. I can't tell you how many times she asked Mrs. Lane (her teacher) that question. Now here I am at the end of the week. With a few thoughts about it.

I love the time I have before I pick Brenna up from school. They are precious hours I haven't had in years. I have had no problem filling them this week, and yet there is a sense of displacement and quite in the house. For five years now, I have been in every part of Brenna's life. Her world and my world were one. Even when she was going to day care, our worlds were one. Kindergarten has brought split. It is a good and healthy split, but I feel left behind in some ways. I am forced to find out about her day through her eyes and words. Sometimes the descriptions don't make much sense. Nathan and I have laughed at several. Like I said, this is normal and good, just a new place for me.

One of my prayers for Brenna was that she would learn to love school and want to go back each day. I am so thankful that God seems to have answered that positively for me. At the end of each day, she asks if she gets to go back the next day. I don't have to convince her. She is excited. I hope that excitement lasts at least a few years.

For now, I will enjoy each day of Kindergarten, take pictures the new things and love watching her learn and grow. I wonder if the sadness of being split ever leaves completely or if that is why all parents ask their children how their day at school was. I wonder if there is always a part that misses those precious first years of complete unity with your children. I guess time will tell.